Losing your “Happy” and how to find it again.

insta-1202Full disclosure: I will talk about “happy” as it is an item. It needs to be taken care of, maintained with self love, or it can be lost. Don’t worry “happy” can be found when lost, just needs a little extra searching.

Here is a hard, and honest truth: I’m a mother of two amazingly beautiful boys, and wife of a dedicated husband, so it’s hard to admit but about a year and a half ago I lost my “Happy.”  (Don’t worry too much, I’ve found it again.) I don’t want to say I was depressed, because it didn’t feel like a depression, but I no longer wanted to do the things that used to make me happy, because they no longer did.  Photography, something my heart has always loved, started to make me angry. You see when you work as a photographer, and you are a pretty crappy business owner, you tend to do a lot of “free” jobs for exposure. These free, or under priced jobs I was doing were beginning to burn me out.  Not only was I feeling burnt out, I was feeling undervalued and couldn’t seem to find myself “paying” customers.  I naturally decided that my work, was of less value than I originally thought it to be.

Losing my “happy” was a strange thing, It made me start alienating friends, (I didn’t feel like my time was valuable to them, and I didn’t want to waste their time.)  In truth, I lost a lot of friends because of this that I don’t think I will recover.  I pulled away from Facebook, and only posted happy family photos on my Instagram account.  Of coarse there are moments in a mothers life that make her smile down to the core, where you can feel the warm glow of “happy” but when your inner self is missing a piece, that glow doesn’t last as long.

A little background: My husband was working in Russia, on a 4 week home and 6 week at work schedule. All the while I was at home with the two boys, and in school.  Those who know me, know that I do 100 million things at once. I was a student, a business owner, and an Epicure consultant. All while being a stay at home mom, and trying to maintain an active social life.  When you do to much without reaping any rewards, you crash and burn, and the things you love to do become harder and harder.

In August of Last year, we began looking for a better option,  By December we had found it. We promptly moved to Vancouver Island, where my husband now works a 4-on 4-off schedule, and is home everyday to see the kids.  Making this choice did not come without consequences, there was a pay-cut with the move to the new company, we have left friends and family behind in Northern Ontario, and I now need to re-build a business.  BUT: With the family back together, the ocean near by for meditation, and the warmer weather, I seem to have found small pieces of my “happy.”insta-1201.jpg

As I start to put my “happy” back together, I look for more pieces of it where I last saw it. In all the books I began and never finished, in my cameras, In taking care of a home, and in my children’s success.  Now I need to maintain and take care of my “happy” by showing it love.

So today what am I doing to maintain and take care of my “happy.”

  1. Self love. Starting with making my bed, Because I want a beautiful bed to climb into at night. Meditation for my busy mind. Eating breakfast, (Another big one since most of us don’t do it.) Saying No, (It’s hard to say no to things that you want to do, however in reality don’t have the time or resources to do.  Putting on my makeup and dressing for the day, knowing that I can kill it as a “Pretty Mom!” (hmm another post to come.)
  2. Forgetting to care what others think of me.  Sure tease me for wanting to take a selfie when I look 100% on point,  I’m happy and I’m going to make sure there is a way to remember it.
  3. Making new connections and reconnecting with old friends. I moved away from my friends and family to a small town,  Now it’s time to make some new friends, and nurture these connections. As a social butterfly, who is also shy, It’s important for me to reach out and have people to talk to.
  4. Rebuilding my business, And my rebuilding, I mean building from scratch.  (More on that later)

What are the things that you do to nourish your “happy?”

Have you ever had to search for your “happy?”

Let me know your thoughts in the comments down below!

Love, Light and Blessings Lovelies,

Kayleigh May

 “There is no path to happiness: happiness is the path.” – Buddha

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